I hate to fall in love.

As salam

Tbh I hate to fall in loves. Its not kind of my fav thing. And it doesnt mean im not believe in loves.
Just nowadays. I mean look at the world now, its kinda hard to find 'love'

I hate to fall in love and  at one time I dont believe in love , I must be honest.

Im afraid of being rejected, ignored.
Idk it just me.

From my past relationship,
Im the one who always asked to end the relationship.yup exact, me.
Why?
Idk. I just dont believe any guy.
Im afraid if one day he might cheat on me and Im gonna......
I hate those feelings.

Idk what kind of phobia I am.
yes thats me. Im fear of being hurt. hurtphobia? mybe?

Im kind of person who really strict when it comes bout this.

Sometimes I hate myself because of this phobia.
Im overthinking.
I always think the 'thing' that might happened and yup thats why my past relationship doesnt work
I think too much. When its actually nothing happened.
Im afraid it might happened so I act before it happened

Idk how to change this habit.

And I made a decisions. . .
I put all my trust on Allah.
I dont want to think.

Im fear of being hurt.
I hate to fall in love.
I hate to miss people
I hate to leave alone
I just hate to cling with people
I dont want that.

Cz I know... people might change.
I will not believe in any guy except he really shows me that he wants me.
I dont accept couple
Im not easily to fall in love and if you really want me. Make it happen.
I dont believe in couple , I believe in nikah. Islam way.